Being honest

Do I want to be honest so that I can hurt their feelings or do I want to be honest so that I can have a clear conscious? Am I trying to be honest to myself or to what I think I want? I wish I was back on Ryo's recliner, watching anime and playing Mario Kart instead of dealing with reality.

Trying to stay positive.

Last night Ryo and I had a discussion with some of the people that I am festering negative feelings towards and I think I am ready to start letting go of those negative thoughts and think about the positive things. I know that I might have been over emotional or have read into people's actions too much, or maybe I have not; maybe all of my emotions are justified. However, I still need to look towards the positive things or else I might get sucked into the negative abyss of darkness. I don't want to be that kind of person.


Baby steps... baby steps to the door, baby steps to the elevator...

anger

why are you such a bitch? why do you do the things you do and act the way you do? i hate that i don't even see or talk to you yet you cause so much conflict in my life. ah!! i just want to kick you in the shins!!! why do people like you so much, you're obviously two-faced. i don't wish anything bad on you, i just hate how you have such an impact on my life. i want to pull out my hair when i think of you. i can't even call you a bitch because you're worse than that. you're such a drama queen that needs to get a life.


ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alone

I feel very alone. Stranded alone in the middle of no where. I have a loving family. I have amazing friends that are my second family. I am surrounded by great co-workers and colleagues. I have the most wonderful boyfriend next me. However, I still feel alone. I have always felt this way and I don't like it. I want to be found.

March 2009

It's the first week of March 2009. Funny how quickly time flies by yet on a day to day basis, time does not go by quickly enough.

The FHS c/o 2000 website is picking up. The renion is next year, which seems far from now but soon I'll probably write a blog about how quickly the reunion is coming up. Makes me ponder about what I've done with my life so far. Lots of sorrows and joys. Lots of regrets that I am still dealing with yet lots of amazing memories along the way.

The journey called LIFE... I still can't tell if being a human being is overrated or not.

Thoughts?

I know he loves me...

My friend, Kim, told me that her fiance made the observation that "Ryo really loves Anh" and it made me very giddy and happy inside. I mentioned it to Ryo and he asked why I was so "surprised" since he always tells me that he loves me. I still have my own insecurities with myself and our relationship. I know that after 10+ years, I shouldn't be so paranoid. No joke, I think paranoia runs in my blood. Many people think I am this strong superwoman but I'm actually not. I think that every woman, as strong as she seems, have doubts and insecurities with herself and things around her. Some just show strength more than others and in different ways. I've been dealing with a lot of emotional and personal drama/distress that took me a lot of time and to work out and cope with. I am not the "strong superwoman" that many friends think without THEIR friendship and support. Thanks to all the wonderful women (some men) in my life that help me be the ANH TRAN I am today. -smooches-

Firefighter Climb

My little brother is a firefighter in training at Bates Technical College. He is partiticpating in this year's Leukemia and Lymphoma fundraising at the 2009 Firefighter Climb at the Columbia Tower Building. If you would like to donate to the cause, let me know. Thanks!